The Writer's Angst

What is this annoying, insidious angst that permeatesapplying that philosophy to myself.I guess I have
my psyche? In all other regards, I'm a moderatelybeen slowly improving. Having taken part in an
confident guy. I'm secure in my abilities to be a goodauthor's fair, having been called a "local author" by
father, husband, employee, friend, gardener, etc. And,newspapers and radio hosts, having been dubbed
heck! Lots of folks tell me I'm a good writer. I'm"Genesee Valley Writer," has helped. As I receive
passionate about my writing. I consumed by mymore and more reviews from strangers (those who
stories. I can't stop, can't envision life without it.Yet, Idon't "have" to tell me I'm good), the anxiety has
have this persistent fear that I will be "outed" as alessened a tad. But still, each time I know someone is
fraud by the next highbrow literary critic that comesreading the book, this annoying worry niggles around
upon my work. Even though complete strangersin brain. Will they like it? Will they see through me and
have given surprisingly glowing reviews to my firstspotlight the flaws? Will my still-fragile author ego be
(and worst) book, even though my readers tell mesmashed?It's so silly. I really hate it. I have to stop
otherwise, I can't get over the fear that a "real"caring that when I've bared my soul to the world, it
writer will some day come along and renounce me,might get trounced on, smashed, and spattered with
sending banishing me into the netherworld of fauxcriticism. I guess it's time to admit... I am a "real"
writer fools who tumble around with ridiculous storieswriter. And that's a step in the "write" direction.Aaron
and are woefully inadequate when put to the task.IPaul Lazar
know it's absurd. I've told friends, many friends, whoPaul Lazar resides in Upstate New York with his
write beautifully, that they are writers simply due towife, three daughters, two grandsons, mother-in-
the process. If it's in your blood, if you can't stop, iflaw, two dogs, and three cats. After writing in the
your day is filled with the details of the next chapter,early morning hours, he works as an
if you write for therapy, then you are a writer! Youelectrophotographic engineer at NexPress Solutions
don't need a degree in English Lit or Composition toInc., part of Kodak's Graphic Communications Group,
qualify. Heck, my degree is in Engineering. You don'tin Rochester, New York.
need a degree, period! And yet, I have trouble